How to Be an Ally to a Loved One Experiencing Domestic Violence

This book is for family and friends who know a loved one experiencing domestic violence and coercive control, and would like to know how to best support them. Family and friends have a unique opportunity to help and support survivors, who often choose to seek their support before calling police or engaging services. A positive first experience talking about the abuse can make the difference between safety, and increased isolation and entrapment for a loved one. Knowing what to say and what not to say can help family and friends play the role they want to play: a source of support and safety for their loved one. This book is to be used to assist you in supporting a loved one who is navigating domestic violence and coercive control. It is not meant to replace professional assistance, court orders or involvement of law enforcement where appropriate. Rather, this book is designed to provide you with information, language and suggestions about how to respond to a very challenging, harmful and potentially dangerous situation. The concept behind this guide came from a survivor and was developed with input from other survivors. It represents their ideas about what they wanted and needed to hear from their loved ones. The guide offers information about how to identify domestic violence. It explains how coercive control, even when there is no apparent violence, can be very harmful and dangerous. It offers specific concrete steps that family and friends can take to support a loved one who is being abused.